The Role of Wives in the Culture of Martyrdom – Karbala’s Heroines Pt. 3
Wifehood is one of many important roles that women play within the culture of martyrdom, both past and present.
This is part of a series anonymously submitted by a Lebanese academic. Read part 1 and part 2.
Dalham, a model of the righteous wife who pushes her husband to martyrdom
“Would the son of the Messenger of Allah (as) summons you, and you would not respond to him!” This statement was made by Dalham bint Amr, the wife of Zuhair bin al-Qain (ra). Definitely, when a person’s life is radically changed, that change seems to be a revelation sent by Allah (Glory be to Him) in the heart of a righteous person to guide someone He loves to his divine path. He only places it in an honorable soul and pure heart like the heart of the pure woman, Dalham.
Zuhair bin al-Qain al-Bajali (ra) was eating lunch with his friends when he heard the clatter of a horse. He was informed that “an envoy from Imam al-Hussain (as) has come to meet you.” Silence prevailed the place. Those present left the food in their hands, as they awaited what the envoy of Imam al-Hussain had said to Zuhair bin al-Qain, according to what Sheikh Al-Mufid recorded in his book Al-Irshad.
At that time, his wife Dalham was listening, and her heart was trembling greatly. As if she wanted to say, “My beloved husband, do not refuse to support the son of the daughter of Prophet Mohammad, who went out sacrificing himself, his family and his companions for us, and for the nation of his grandfather, in order to prevent the return of the first ignorance.”
Dalham did not behave in a shameful manner that would diminish her dignity before her husband. Rather, she waited until the meeting was over. She politely addressed her husband, just as a righteous wife should behave with her husband. The Messenger of God (PBUH) says, “A Muslim’s happiness is a righteous wife.”
Zuhair’s wife realized that her husband had fallen a victim because of those bad friends who pressured him not to support Imam Hussain, as some historians have stated. She used her shrewdness and kindly urged him to accept the Imam’s invitation, listen to what he had to say, and then leave as opportunities pass by like clouds, how could he hesitate when the one summoning him was the master of the youth of Paradise? This is how the righteous woman is whom Allah makes one of His workers on earth, who cares about her husband’s happiness. She does not surrender to her selfishness and temporary worldly interests, but cares about seeing her life partner in the position that Allah loves.
According to Sheikh Al-Saduq’s Man La Yahduruhu al-Faqih, when a man said to the Prophet (S): “I have a wife, when I enter the house, she welcomes me. When I go out, she bids me farewell. When she sees me worried, she asks me: What worries you? If you care about your livelihood, someone else has taken care of it. If you care about your afterlife, may Allah increase your worry.” So, the Prophet asked him to give her the good news of Paradise and tell her, “You are one of Allah’s workers and you will have the reward of 70 martyrs every day.”
It is worth mentioning that, as a precaution, Zuhair divorced Dalham before he set out for martyrdom, fearing what the evil enemies would do to the loyalists of Imam Hussain in the aftermath of Ashura, in order to protect her. He said to her,
“You are divorced, for I do not want anything but good to happen to you because of me. I have resolved to accompany Imam Hussain (peace be upon him) to redeem him with my soul and protect him with my spirit.”
It seems that the depth of her faith, her insight and her quick wit were what made Zuhair immediately tell her about his anticipation of inevitable martyrdom. She accepted the matter with open arms and absolute submission. This is the solid foundation of the marital relationship, where the husband wants nothing but good for his wife. This matter sheds light on the fact that Dalham was living under the care of a devoted husband from whom she saw nothing but good.
Then Zuhair paid her dowry and handed her over to some of her cousins to take her to her family. She bid him farewell saying, as mentioned in the book Al-Luhoof by Ibn Tawus: “May Allah be your helper and supporter, for what He has chosen for you. I ask you to remember me on the Day of Resurrection before the grandfather of Imam Hussain (peace be upon him).”
As mentioned in the book Ma’ali al-Sibtain by Al-Ha’iri, the word “divorce” may be a metaphor for the eternal separation mentioned above. On the night of the tenth of Muharram, when Habib ibn Muzahir inquired about the intentions of Imam Hussain’s companions, he asked them, “Why did you divorce your wives?” Their answer was, “We came to support the strange son of Lady Fatima.”
Dalham’s words went through her husband’s mind and penetrated his heart. Zuhair bin al-Qain (ra) stared at her in shame. Then he rode his horse towards Karbala, towards martyrdom in defense of the authentic Muhammadan Islam. He freed himself from the shackles of the worldly joys and chose martyrdom with the Imam of his time, not caring about the harm that would befall him in the process.
Zuhair bin al-Qain (ra) offered advice for the people of Kufa to entice them towards the path of guidance and righteousness. Among what he said,
“O people of Kufa, I warn you from the punishment of Allah! It is a right upon a Muslim to advise his Muslim brother. As long as we are brothers until now, of one religion and one faith, as long as there is no fighting between us, then advice is your right upon me; however, if fighting occurs, this right is cut off and you become a hostile to me. Allah has tested us to what extent are we loyal to the descendants of His Prophet Muhammad (S), so that He may observe what we and you do. We call upon you to support [the Ahlul Bayt] and to abandon the tyrant Ubayd Allah ibn Ziyad.”
On the contrary, the treacherous people of Kufa opposed and cursed him, while praising Ubayd Allah ibn Ziyad. Zuhair bin al-Qain felt sorry for their ignorance and the miserable fate that await them as this is how the honest and the sincere behave, they even give excuses to their enemies, advise them and guide them until the very end.
On the afternoon of the 9th of Muharram, when Umar ibn Saad ordered an attack on the camp of Imam Hussain (as), Zuhair bin al-Qain began to address them,
“By God, what a bad people they are! They will come before Allah on the Day of Judgment having killed the descendants of His Prophet and his household (as). Among these people are those who strive hard in the early hours of the morning [praying fajr], and remember Allah often.”
Then Uzra ibn Qays said to him, “You have purified yourself as much as you can.”
Zuhair replied, “O Uzra, Allah has purified it and guided it. Fear Allah, O Uzra. I am one of your sincere advisors. I implore you by Allah, O Uzra, not to be among those who help the people of misguidance in killing pure souls [of the Ahlul Bayt].”
Then Uzra said, “O Zuhair, in our view you were not among the followers of the Ahlul Bayt, you were only opposed to their opinion.”
So Zuhair replied to him – with full certainty of the advice of righteous wife resonating in his mind and heart – saying,
“Do you not infer from my position that I am one of the [Ahlul Bayt]? By Allah, [I have not done like you]. I have not written a letter to [Imam Hussain]. I have not sent him an envoy. I have not promised him my support. But the path [of Mecca] has brought [Imam Hussain and me] together. When I saw him, he reminded me of the Messenger of God and his position in his heart. I knew what his enemy was up to. So, I decided to support him, to be from his party, and to sacrifice myself for him after you had wasted the right of the Messenger (S).”
By this loyalty that Zuhair bin al-Qain (ra)’s pious wife has ignited, had pushed him to support the Imam of the Age. Then he wrapped up his honorable life with martyrdom, as he redeemed his free soul as a sacrifice on the altar of martyrdom for the sake of the truth – in word and deed – and in support of Imam Hussain (as).
On the night of the tenth of Muharram, Imam Hussain (as) addressed his companions, as quoted by Shaykh Mufid, Tabari and others:
“O Lord, I thank You because You have honored us by means of Prophethood, taught us the Qur’an, made us comprehend the religion and its commandments, granted us eyes, ears, and hearts; kept us free from polytheism and then enabled us to thank You for Your blessings. It is a fact that I am not aware of any companions more faithful and honest than my companions and any relatives more righteous and kind than my relatives. May Allah grant all of you a good reward. I think that the day of our fighting with this army has arrived. I permit all of you to go away. You are free to depart without any restriction and should take advantage of the darkness of night. The enemies are only seeking to murder me.”
The companions refused to abandon him, preparing themselves to sacrifice themselves for him. The words of Martyr Zuhair (ra) were significant, where he said, “By Allah, I would have liked to be killed, then resurrected, then killed until I am killed thousands of times, and that Allah would thereby protect you and the lives of these young men from your household.”
This loyal man was cut into pieces and his head was severed from his body to be raised on the spears. Later, Dalham asked her servant named Shajarah, “Go and shroud your master.” When he arrived in Karbala, he saw the holy body of Imam Hussain without a shroud. So he returned saying to her, “Is it ethical that I shroud my master and leave Imam Hussain alone. No, by Allah.”
Obviously, that servant was taught in that honourable house to be loyal to Ahlul Bayt.
Zuhair bin al-Qain found death by the edge of swords thousands of times in defense of Imam Hussein to be the least he could offer in this honorable path. His righteous wife, Dalham guided her husband to the path of immortality. She was an exemplary wife who preferred the pleasure of Allah over the pleasure of the oppressive and unjust sultans.
Ziyarah al-Shuhada is among the supplications that al-Sayyed Ibn Tawus has mentioned in his book Iqbal al-A’mal as one of the recommended practice on the Day of Ashura. It encludes the names of the martyrs of Karbala like Zuhair: “Peace be upon Zuhair bin Al-Qain Al-Bajali, who said to Imam Hussain (peace be upon him) when he gave him permission to leave: No, by Allah, that will never happen. Should I leave the son of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) captured in the hands of the enemies, and I escape?! May Allah not let me witness that day.”
The uprising of Imam Hussain has highlighted the responsibility of the women in supporting the Mujahideen. Without the participation of women in this uprising, the heroism of Karbala and the defense of the Islamic call “There is no god but Allah, Prophet Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, Imam Ali is the guardian of Allah,” Ashura would not have been immortalized until our current time.
Dalham has ingrained her husband’s name immortalized in the register of martyrs, and made him one of the greats of Islamic history. Her position was proof of verse 111 of Surat at-Tawbah: {Indeed, Allah has purchased from the believers their lives and their properties in exchange for that they will have Paradise. They fight in the cause of Allah, so they kill and are killed. [It is] a promise binding upon Him in truth in the Torah, the Gospel, and the Qur’an. And who is more faithful to his promise than Allah? By His covenant from God. So rejoice in your transaction which you have made, and that is what is the great attainment}.
Also, as stipulated in verse 257 of Surah al-Baqarah: {Allah is the protector of those who believe. He brings them out from darknesses into the light. And those who disbelieve – their protectors are Taghut. He brings them out from light into darknesses. Those are the companions of the Fire; they will abide therein eternally}.
We learn from this woman’s position the extent of the wife’s influence on her husband, urging him to fight and support the Imam of the Age and not to hesitate even for a moment to defend the religion. This is what we see today from the women of the Axis of Resistance, whom Allah has elected to be the supporters of Imam Mahdi (ajtf), by urging them to fight until martyrdom is achieved.
This great woman is the wife of the great martyr Zuhair bin Qain, and her words were an incentive to save his soul. It is no secret that her last request from her husband was to mention to the Prophet (S) that she had sacrificed as Zuhair would sacrifice. Even though she did not fight on the battlefield, she participated in a manner appropriate to a woman’s abilities in supporting every resistance.
The most beautiful thing with which Dalham drew closer to the Prophet was her love for Imam Hussain; as stated in verse 71 of Surat At-Tawbah: {The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those – Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.}
