Imam Khamenei: Family Is an Abode of Peace
An excerpt from the English translation of the book The Compassionate Family, a collection of speeches of the Leader of the Islamic Revolution on the issue of marriage, family, children, and society.
The Qur’an describes the relationship between a man and a woman with the word sakan, which means a source of rest and tranquility.
When we say “rest,” we do not wish to contrast it with a state of motion (since motion is something good); rather, we wish to contrast it to a state of agitation.
Sometimes man is stricken with agitation in life and it is this sakan which gives him the repose he needs so that he does not become distraught in that situation.
There are a few verses of the Qur’an that we need to pay attention to in this regard. The first is from Surah al Rum:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Qur’an 30:21
“And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect.”
In other words, one of the signs of God’s divine power is that he created the human race – i.e. men and women – in pairs so that this can be a source of tranquility for them. This is not exclusive to men such that one supposes that God created women for the tranquility of men; rather, it is a mutual benefit – i.e. God created men for the tranquility of women as well. This is what forms the family atmosphere. The inner precincts of the family are permeated with a spirit of peace for both the man and woman who live within it.
Another verse is from Surah an Nahl, in which God says:
وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّن بُيُوتِكُمْ سَكَنًا
Qur’an 16:80
“It is Allah who has made your homes as a place of rest for you…”
These homes that God has made into a place of rest ostensibly refers to the family habitat.
In Sura A’raf, God says:
وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا
Qur’an 7:189
“…and made from it its mate, that he might find comfort with her.”
God gave us spouses from ourselves so that we can find repose and peace by their side. The kind of peace that a husband finds with his wife, or at home, or in a safe and serene family environment is one he cannot find anywhere else.
Life is a struggle. In fact, the entirety of a human being’s lifespan is one long struggle. It can take on different forms: struggle with nature, struggle with various obstacles in society, and struggle with one’s own inner soul. Man is forever struggling.
Even the human body is constantly locked in a battle with potentially harmful organisms and elements; when it has enough strength to fight them, it remains healthy.
This struggle in every man must be proper, orderly, in the right direction, and undertaken with the right tools. It must also have a base and an asylum. This struggle is like a journey and the way station or resting stop is the family habitat. A man must feel this repose when with his family.
Whether you are a man or a woman, you will face battles and struggles in society, at work, and at school since life is full of struggles. Even if a woman is a housewife and not working outside, she will still face struggles in her life and in her interactions with other people. In all aspects of life, the human being must struggle – there are things he desires but cannot obtain. We are forever struggling to overcome obstacles, and as these obstacles wear us down and sap our strength, we need a haven in which to recuperate, and this haven is nothing other than the family. The family environment is a person’s haven of tranquility and center of peace.
Men and women, each in their own way, have struggles in their daily tasks, in education, in employment, and in social, political, and humanitarian activities for the sake of God. They need a shelter in this big society, not only to rest their weary bodies, but also their minds and souls – and that shelter is the family.
It is in this context, that the role of a woman becomes clear, because only she can create a family environment filled with love, gentleness, and affection. It is like a pool of fresh, clean water. When an exhausted person smeared with dirt enters a pool of water, it rejuvenates him, invigorates him, and washes away the grime from his body. The family sanctuary is no different – when an individual tainted with the dirt and grime of social activities enters his home, it cools him down, refreshes him, and grants him repose. Only a woman can provide this when she puts her heart into her home.
All men and women must strive to foster this peaceful environment; neither of them should be the cause of disturbing this peace. An immoral man, an ill-tempered woman, an over-critical man, a demanding woman … these are the types of people who can ruin the tranquility of the family habitat and prevent the actualization of the verse “that you may take comfort in them.”
Islam has the power to intelligently transform the lives of individuals into a kind of Heaven on Earth as long as the teachings are followed properly; but if the husband and wife disrupt this abode of peace by overstepping the bounds, engaging in unnecessary argumentation, and being inappropriately critical of each other, there will be no peace remaining.
A husband and wife that stand right beside each other and are truly a pair (zawj) will seek refuge in each other during these times of distress – the woman will turn to her husband and the man will turn to his wife.
